did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
