I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
