...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
