I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
