Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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