Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
