I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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