Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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