I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
