I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i believe in u and ur pee
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