My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize