I just saw a hot homeless man
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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