Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
