fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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