Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
