i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You took a bar mat shot.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
