Is it normal to miss your booty call?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
