The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
