its not stalking. its research.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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