i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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