"it" just moved
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
