Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize