is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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