He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I need moral support for this bender
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
