how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
