This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
