I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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