i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
