I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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