I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
