3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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