the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
