Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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