It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
