A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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