So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Success! We fucked roommates!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
