Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
