Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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