May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
