yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
