I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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