just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
