Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it's like heaven, but drunker
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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