We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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