If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
