butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
