I puked a lego.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
