could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
