Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
