is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
