you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
