he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
