Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
