Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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