One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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