She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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