you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?