also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes