I'm so fucking centered right now
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button