You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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