Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I smell like Dick and happiness
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