there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
