someone threw a dead crab at me
its not stalking. its research.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
