I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
