I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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