Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
