He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
