you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
