Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
