grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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