when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
