with your own penis?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my vag is so smooth its legendary
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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