I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
