He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
did i walk over a car last night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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