i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
