are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
