AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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