If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
