I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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