We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
